Cards On The Table

How do you feel when someone says to you, I know how you feel? Do they? I mean really, how on earth would a stranger understand the enormity of the burdens that you carry. Well, the obvious answer is, they do not know. But if you are blessed with meeting an individual who is empathetic, the hardship that you haul may not feel as massive.

I am proud that Breakfree is a global community.  We are diverse, each of us facing unique situations that demand our attention. I was touched by the outpouring of love, and bonding over the post, I am Sorry. What I realized from the comments, and reactions was that we are not alone on this journey. We hurt, we fight, we love, we fail, and sometimes we find the resolve to get back up.

I created this site to save myself. I needed and continue to rely on this outlet to heal and grow. So, the following list is my purge.  It is here to release what I have held on to so tightly. I also want you to know that you are not alone.

I am ready. Here are my cards.

I have been married.

I have divorced.

I re-married.

I grew up without a father.

I grew up poor.

I lived in government subsidized housing.

I started to work at 13.

I was molested for three years as a child.

I disliked who I was until the age of eighteen.

I stopped going to any church events when a family friend became too friendly at a church picnic.

I never lost my faith.

I forgave my molester.

I came face to face with my deepest fear.

Fear: Losing my mother.

I watched my Mother die.

I was cheated on.

I walked away from those who cheated.

Writing is my freedom.

I recently understood why love songs were written.

At 39 I found safety and truth in love.

I have walls and a moat that surround me.

I am selective with those that I allow in.

Friendship is a gift.

I am an enabler.

I have deeply hurt those I have enabled.

I am in awe of a few.

I learn from my mistakes.

I often feel as a failure as a mother.

I do not trust easily.

I want to make my Mother proud.

I want to raise a kind, empathic and courageous child.

At this point, I have lived through the last five days.

Depression, fear and grief are not my enemies.

I will not hide.