Who I Am Not

During the past few weeks I realized that I needed to reconcile, who I was, who I am, and who others expect me to be. What I learned was this, my ability to be all things to all people has diminished. I stripped away the pretense that I held, and took an honest look at the woman I am now.

Growing up I cared little for what others thought of me, that feeling has only become stronger with age. The standards that I set for myself are high. Yet they are not the expectations that I hold for others. That would be ludicrous.

People want you to feel what they feel.  It’s a part of human nature. We believe that if others can love the way we love, or hurt the way we hurt, that everything will work out in our favour.  Unfortunately that is not how life flows. Whether or not we like it, we are all unique, and how we acknowledge our own standards for life is in direct correlation to how we feel about ourselves.

The ability to find balance between who we are, and who we wish to be, is derived through acceptance. Acknowledge both the good and ugly experiences that have shaped you. As we age, we tend to gloss over the ugly so that it molds to our idea of what should have happened. That is a true disservice.  Accepting things we have done wrong, is the only way to move forward and learn. It may not be pleasant, but it is necessary.

There are only two people that I am accountable to, the first is myself, and the second is my daughter. Though there are many people who I love and respect, I know that if I can look at my reflection in the mirror and stare into the eyes of my daughter without regret, shame or fear, then I am living a life that I can be proud of.  Because once regret, shame and fear are negated, love will fill up the empty space.

I challenge you to do the same in your own lives.