Freedom in Writing

Freedom is such an interesting word. I know that I am fascinated by the concept of freedom. To have the ability to say, and do as you please is surreal. What is freedom? That is a huge question, so I will break it down by focusing on a tiny aspect: the ability to write and publish how you truly feel. I know that when I write I am handcuffed by so many factors.  I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a cousin, a niece, an ex wife, a friend, and an employee. Each role brings with it responsibilities that are immense. When I write, I am conscious of each word that I type out. I often wonder if who I am, and what I write will ever form a cohesive relationship.

I will be the first to admit that I fight against much of what I know to be instinctual. In doing so I ensure that I am always three steps back from where I should be in my life.  Yet, I continue to fight, resist and procrastinate. Then I have the audacity to wonder why I do not feel free. It really is a senseless situation that I create. I know that writing is a refuge. Communication with those I trust is a refuge. Taking care of those I love is a refuge. Creativity is my refuge.

Freedom in writing is to bare your soul, unleash your truth, express your failures, while using language that is natural to you. This takes a courage that I have yet to cultivate. I am a work in progress, where freedom to write in my truth, is still far out of reach. But I know that I will reach it.